"In A Relationship"

You know, it's stupid and silly that I even mention this or go here, but...Why is it that when we see an old flame's myspace or even an ex-douche's myspace profile go from "single" to "in a relationship" that it just makes the nerves go INSANE????  

Why?  Why do I even care anymore?(And why am I even searching around for this shit on myspace???  Not important right now, but really, why?)I know it's because I've been in this exact same spot more than once, or should I say twice.  Well, it's basically the same scenario I experience w/ most men that have been in my life.  They all seem to cheat, lie, and leave me for someone else.  Yep, that's right.  Apparently they all see something better in another.  I am never the one that is picked over another, I'm always the one left, at least that is how I feel.  

So why is it that after completely cutting off the Glendale Douche, even though we were just dating, it's so rough to see that now his myspace says "in a relationship."  I mean, I don't want anything from this person, and even when we were hanging out he didn't give me anything in return, so...why is it that I am so hurt right now?  Hurt, knowing that once I said "F*$& Off" he'd go and make "the other girl" his new girl...his new relationship.  

F*$&, that girl has my name!!!!  I want to HURL!

What a DOUCHE!!!!!!!!

  

So yah, why is it that even when we don't want someone and we know they aren't good for us, it still hurts to see them w/ someone else and to know they are MOVING ON w/ someone who is not us??

CHAPTER ONE: The Glendale Douche

So this was chapter one of my dating in L.A., and not a very good chapter to start off the book, but there were some important things learned, so...

So after I sent the "final voicemail" to his phone this morning that went something like this: "hey freakshow, don't ever call or text me again!  It's too bad your dad didn't teach you a thing or 2 about how to treat women the right way!"  click!  He still proceeded to call numerous times and leave messages on my voicemail of how there was another girl...Laura (oh, how convenient, we have the same name), and how he meant to tell me about her, and her about I, etc...He went on to say he'd never been in this situation before and he was SO SORRY.  Sorry??  Really, you are sorry??  I find that hard to believe...You're only sorry that you got called out on your sneaky ways, and that you got caught!  On the 2nd voicemail from him he continued to ramble on about how he really cared about me, and he really liked me and spending time w/ me and he thought of me as a really good friend, and didn't know if we'd grow to be more...Wait wait wait, hold up!!!  So let me get this straight, I was just a "good friend?"  Hmm, apparently this guy sleeps w/ his good friends, huh.  Really???  I mean really???  What a WEASEL!  He said he didn't realize he was the only person I was seeing.  What does that mean or have to do w/ it?  So apparently cause I'm a single girl in L.A. that means I'm seeing multiple people?  What, he couldn't just ask me?  If he even cared about me he would've take the time to ask and to get to know me and know that he was the first person I had dated in 2yrs.  The first person I had dated since moving to L.A. a year ago...yah, a year!  I've been emotionally unavailable for the past 2yrs and when I thought I was finally ready to move forward and onto something new, well...along comes Abel.  Sure it was fun and new in the beginning, and I was excited as hell, but apparently he's like all of the other guys I've had run ins w/ in the past...How did i not see this coming??  So now he says he wishes I'd talk to him again, that he considered me a good friend...Oh, did I mention I'm gagging right now...YUCK!  He says HE REALLY IS SORRY and he's never been in this position before of dating 2 girls at the same time (yah right), and that he really did F&$* UP and he's sorry.  Yah, still don't believe ya dude.  He then proceeds to text me, again, asking if he was the only guy I was seeing.  Dude, give it a rest!!!  It's like he's in shock or denial that he was the only guy I had been seeing cause we only hung out like once a week, but what does that have to do w/ it?  I'm a very independent person, and yes, it would've been nice to see him more, but the timing was off, and I didn't feel the need to succomb to hanging out w/ him all the time, and so I didn't!  Plus, he works production hours and was never around, and so unbelievably emotionally unavailable, and that was the hardest thing to deal with.  No emotion, no depth...everything was on the surface w/ this dude, oy!  I knew this day was bound to come, and most of my girlfriends new this was coming as well too, I just thought it might go a bit different than this.  This Glendale Douche has just missed out on someone AMAZING!  This guy has just missed the best thing ever, and probably the best thing that could be in his life right now.  He's pushing 40yrs old (he's about to turn 38), and he is so oblivious...HA!  I can laugh at it all now cause I'm the one that caught him and I'm the one that got out (hmmm, sounds all too familiar to me), and because I have 10.5yrs youth on the guy.  I'm smart enough not to stick around for his bullshit, and I am waiting for someone better, cause I know the better is out there.  I just can't wait to come face-2-face w/ it...with him!

And Abel is still texting me and wondering why I'm not answering him about whether or not he was the only guy I was seeing.  He's saying I was hitting on everyone at the wrap party and so he figured I was dating other dudes.  What a loser!  The wrap party was so last year, in fact, that was the night he and I met, so...How can he make a conclusion from that?  We were all so wasted!!  What a dork!  He's just trying to make and find any reason to make himself look better and feel better about himself in this situation...HA!  Good luck dude!  Sure, go make your self absorbed, narcissistic self feel better dude, I mean, that is what you Scorpios do best, right?  Hope you feel better.  No, actually, I hope he feels like shit!  He's a dude though, so even if he does feel bad, it won't last long.  I'm sure all he really has to do is just go sit in front of a mirror for a few minutes and just stare at himself to feel better...HA!  I can't believe I just said that, but I feel it's so true....and good for him for being able to be so into himself and not care about anyone else's feelings.  What a waste of space he is!  What a waste of space he is in my mind!

Okay, so I ranted and raved a bit too much about this person and about the situation at hand, but like I said, this is Chapter One.  I just thought I was beyond falling for these types of guys too.  So even though the Glendale Douche and I didn't hang for more than a few months, well, I still did invest emotion and time into this person, and that is what hurts the most.

Please oh please can Chapter Two be a bit more of a Love Story Chapter?  Can it be more like boy and girl meet, boy likes girl, girl likes boy, boy and girl hang out for a long time, boy cares about girl, girl cares about boy, and so on, and so on.  Can it be something like that??  More romance, less drama...that is what I'm talking about!

THE BEGINNING

Okay, so I have been in the city of L.A. for a year now.  Yes, a year!  I thought I'd never make it a year out here, but a day or 2 ago was the exact day, last year, that I moved out here, so...I did it!  I made it a year.  Quick note: for the past 3yrs I've had a hard time staying in one place for even a year.  Whether it be a city, an apt or house, or state, you name it I was never there longer than 6-10mths, so...this is a big deal for me.  All of that aside, I've been here a year now and I've only had one real dating experience that all just happened as of recently.  I moved here and was not in a good place w/ men, and I was still mourning the loss of my first love, the love of my life.  It took me 2 yrs to get past it, and in the Spring of '08 I finally felt ready to move forward, so...here I am trying to get out there and meet people and date and just see who is out there, etc...I've never been good at things like this, but I've also never felt so comfortable in my own skin these days, so...how hard could it be.  It's like, this is ME...you either like it or you leave it.  Pick one!  If only it were that easy, right?? :)  Well, I'm about to share some of my thoughts and journeys on my experiences w/ dating, dating in L.A. none the less, and w/ my opinions of men, so...please feel free to reply and add details and info...