To Have and To Hold

It's been a week now since I traveled to Spokane for Brianna and Curt's wedding.  And it's been a week now since my brain has taken a trip back in time.  I'm usually living in La La Land, the day dreamer that I am, but for the past week I've been living in a "Nostalgic" moment.  I feel like I've been living in a part of the past, but that is taking place in present day, and time is standing still.  I'm living in this imaginary, nostalgic, fairytale land, and time is standing still while I'm stuck in it.  If someone were to approach me at work, or grocery shopping, or while I was driving in my car they could pull a Natalie Portman from Garden State and say "You're In It."  Cause right now, everyday, I've been "In It."  I've been lost in people from the past.  But here's the catch...not all of the past was that great, and not all of the memories are good ones.  Again, here's the catch...Brett and I have gotten to a place.  We've gotten to a place that feels all too familiar.  It feels like we are friends, really good friends, again.  It feels great!  There was so much hate and resentment (so I felt) towards me when I left him.  I feel like it's taken a long time for him to get past that and to realize why I did what I did.  I don't know, all I can say is that I wish the person I see in him now could be the person I was with back then.

Hmmm, so I really wish I could see my therapist right now cause I just have all of these crazy thoughts and emotions going on right now.  I'm just on emotional overload!  I just need some clarification and direction.  My thoughts are all over the place, and what's worse is that I can't stop thinking about Brett.  I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing.  I feel like we are back together and we've picked up right where we left off.  He knows me and he gets me, and after a LONG day of work he's like the one person I want to call and shoot the shit with.  I know, that's weird, right??   I  mean, it's crazy, right?  I'm crazy for thinking like this.  I don't know, I've just slipped into this place where I feel like I want him around.  Wow, I think I've gotta stop now cause I'm just confusing myself.

I will end on this though...After almost 4yrs of not being together, I have never been more happy to be around him and spend time w/ him.  We both, as individuals, have come along way...it's exciting and it feels GOOD!