Here one day, gone the next...

As soon as it has begun, it has also ended, or so it seems.

My first love, the one and only man I thought I'd be w/ til the end of time, decided to contact me last week. Yep, after not being together for over 2 1/2yrs, and after not having any communication w/ each other since last March, he has decided to get in touch w/ me. He's decided he wants to be a part of each other's lives again. Wow, that's great he can decide he wants that. Hmmm, now what about me? What about what I want right now? Does he not get it that I got over him? Does he not understand that the hardest thing I've had to do in the last 27yrs was get over him?

A year and a half of depression and an extra year on top of that of therapy to work hard and long to get past him and to realize my potential w/out this person. To realize the potential I have as an individual, as my OWN individual. So now I am over him and I am moving forward and going on w/ my life...and now this? WTF? How am I suppose to react to this?

I'll be honest...I was flattered and totally happy that he contacted me. It was what I had been wanting to hear for so long, that he wanted me back, that he wanted to communicate again. Cut to 5mins later, and I'm kinda mad and pissed and I can't believe he just decides he wants to show back up in my life. He thinks he can just prance right in and I will accept him w/ open arms??? He's got a thing or two to learn...And I know I sound angry right now and a bit pissed, but that's because this has really f*$@# w/ my head and my emotions right now, cause like I said before...I got over him! And now, deciding whether to let him back in or to continue to keep him on the outs is not EASY.

This is ME!

He Does Exist

I thought I would never see "Gym Boy" again.

I haven't seen him since June, and hell, I had no idea if he was even still alive, or living in the area still, or what have you.

He just up and disappeared!

Thank God I prayed for a sign, cause Saturday afternoon, as I was riding my bike down at the beach, I rode right past him(literally). Yah, I couldn't believe it either, and I was instantly overcome with perma-grin and still am!

2 Steps Forward...

Why is it that anytime I seem to actually start to move ahead in life, and things seem to be all "Happy Go Lucky" that something of the negative kind happens and sends me back about a mile(or so it feels).

I just don't get it.

I use to think I was cursed, and that if anything bad were to happen to anyone, well, it would happen to me. My therapist has taught me to think otherwise, so I don't feel that way anymore, but... it just doesn't surprise me that I can't seem to get ahead in life right now. WTF??????

So I'm all emo and crying right now(I knew it would happen eventually) cause my show I was working on just got cancelled today. No notice or anything, just CANCELLED and production will shut down on Friday. And people wonder why I have such a LOVE/HATE relationship w/ this industry. Man I feel like kicking someones ASS right now!

"2 steps forward,10 steps back...this is the story of my life"

SWEET TITS!

Yes, this is right. I woke up w/ "sweet tits" this morning. Man, as weird as it is I love saying that!

So last night was Halloween, and in the madness of the night I managed to take a normal sized CRUNCH bar(non of that mini Halloween candy crap) from a fellow Halloweener while standing in line at a Pizza joint. I took a bite of the candy and proceeded to hide the rest in my bra under my dress. Yes, this guy was kinda mad cause he knew I took the candy, and the stubborn girl I am I kept denying it. If it wasn't in my hands, well, that meant I didn't have it, right?

Cut to 6hrs later, hung over, dehydrated, and not feeling to hot, well...my candy bar was hot. It was hot, sticky, and melted to my chest. Yep, that's right, I went to bed w/ my dress on, my bra on, and the candy bar in my bra. I woke up w/ a warm and sweet chocolate sauce on the BOOBIES.

Literally, I had SWEET TITS!

Deal with it?

You know when you meet someone or have an attraction to someone(whether you know them well or not), and it seems like anything and everything about them is cute, funny, fun, clever, smart, perfect, and the list goes on...They seem like someone that is perfect for you in every way, even if you don't really know it or not at the time.  Why is it that there is always a hidden deal breaker.  And it's not like it's something that is always on your mind and you're watching for it.  It's something that randomly shows itself.  

You run into your crush at a bar only to see him wasted, sloppily dancing and ever so sloppily making out w/ whatever is in front of him.  Oy!  I get it, he's single and he's gonna go out and do his thing(whatever/whoever that may be), blah blah blah, but if that's a preview of the future, well, I'd rather jump ship!

Or maybe he's just a BIG partier.  You know, the super late 5am-6am partier w/ the crazy eyes, and a mouth like CHATTY CATHY followed up w/ no GOOD intentions.  Hell who knows, he may not have any intentions at all.

So when this person could be the most physically attractive man w/ an AMAZING personality, and you two have so much in common, well...why is it that a deal breaker always seems to show itself????  Why is it that after seeing a side to someone you don't want to see, well, it totally turns you off.  Every angle, every switch, every everything and anything just gets completely shut off.  Is there anyway to just brush it off and DEAL with it?

Can one DEAL with a DEAL BREAKER?