When it rains it pours!

I am crying and I am just all over the place.
I'm flattered, yet I'm sad.
I'm happy, yet I'm crying.
I'm wanted, yet I'm feeling so alone.

Why do I let boys get a hold of me the way they do? Why????

All I can say is, "When it rains, it pours."

That has been such a motto for my love life (or lack there of).
No one will show interest in me for months, even years, and then when one person steps up to the plate, well, the whole flock follows. What gives? Why is this such a pattern in my life? I mean, I should be happy and stoked and just lovin' it, right? I mean, I sorta am, but honestly it brings more headaches and confusion than anything. And most of the time when I meet someone I'd really like to get to know well, I am either the one who is out of town, or it is that person who is from out of town...go figure! And this is the life I live...OY!

It's been years since I've met someone I'd want to spend my time with (cause my time is very very very precious and important), and I'm just starting to get to know someone new right now. It's all fun and games cause it's pretty new, but man oh man am I sick of the games already. I mean, new people are suppose to be fun and exciting. This new-ness is suppose to be some of the best times I'll have w/ this person, right? So why am I frustrated? Why do I feel like a joke? Why do I feel like I'm just girl #3 on the list of girls to take out this week or next week or what have you. I just feel so unimportant to D.B. I know it's all in my head, but a lot of it spawns from the past as well. I'm just a freakshow right now and it's making me sad. I mean, I KICK ASS! I am so Kick Ass and most guys should be praying for a girl like me to come their way. So why is it that I feel so unappreciated right now. WHY??? I don't want to start dating someone I'm only gonna get to see once a week, if that. I did that once already recently and it was a TOTAL disaster (Glendale Douche!)

I've got a boy in Seattle begging for a repeat of New Years Eve. He wishes I could be up there to go ride w/ and hang w/ and make out w/...He appreciates it and sees my Kick Ass-ness, so why doesn't D.B.? What am I doing? And why am I letting myself get so taken back by D.B.? Why am I letting this bother me so much? I know it's cause I like the dude and for once I'd just like to see something work out. Yes, that could mean a million things, but you know what I'm saying.

I think I really nailed it on the head up top though when I said, "I feel so unimportant to D.B."
Yep, that's it...that is how I am feeling...unimportant and unappreciated.

Time for a girls night!!!!
(Drinking***Dancing***Making Out)